Powered By

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Good morning crew,

If you have been keeping up with the news you know that my home state of Illinois is on the verge of bankruptcy, except states can't go bankrupt. What happens is the economy starts to fail, governmental revenue to dries up, and services begin to disappear.

All of this doesn't happen without consequences. For example, last year alone over 30,000 people left Illinois. That is like an entire town renting a fleet of trucks and just moving to Indiana.

Illinois is also about to lose the lottery. The state can't pay any of the winners. At least not anybody who has won more than a couple hundred bucks. And considering how infrequently anybody wins a jackpot, that's pretty pathetic.

And you might be thinking, 'so what?' But without the lottery I have no retirement plan at all.

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"I've been trying to say 'I love you' more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable." -Stephen Colbert


"According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there's one thing women love, it's a man who can lie." -Seth Meyers


"A man and his 75-year-old mom survived being lifted out of their home during a tornado by sitting together in a bathtub. The man said the tornado didn't traumatize him but being in a bathtub with his mother did." -Conan O'Brien


There was a poor, distraught man sitting at the bar of his local watering hole, just staring into his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble-maker walks through the door; leather biker jacket, neck-beard, tattoos and sunglasses. He sees the poor, lonely man, moping at the bar by himself and decides to have a little fun. Walking up to the bar he reaches over and grabs the guy's glass and drinks it down in one go.

Immediately the poor man starts crying. The bully says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears. "It's just that this has been the worst day of my life. First, I oversleep go in late to the office. My boss losses his temper and fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, and when I get out, I forget my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with my neighbor. So I left my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A co-worker came to work one day wearing shoes that were identical in style, only one was black and the other brown. I quietly pointed this out to him. He smiled and said, "Unusual, aren't they? Believe it or not, I've got another pair just like this at home."

Top Viewed Issues