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Friday, June 23, 2017

Good morning crew,

Dedicated Clean Laffs readers will be familiar with the stories of my high school buddy and long-time co-conspirator, old Mason.

Over the years Mason has done well for himself in the world of computer systems sales. He was worked his way up through some of the larger companies out there and now works for one of the giant technology conglomerates as a senior something-or-other with a number of national clients in his portfolio. Like I said, he does well.

The reason I mention all this is because of a story that popped into my mind recently.

Back in my college days I took any summer job that offered a decent paycheck. Or any paycheck, really. I painted houses, I roofed, I cleaned steel. One of the jobs I was less than enthusiastic about was working for a landscaper on occasion. It was a guy I used to know who ran his own little, one-man company, and he would pay local kids cash whenever he had a big job that he couldn't handle himself.

I think it was the summer before my senior year when just such a job came up. It was a huge sodding job and all that was required was a few strong backs and not a whole lot of brains.

The landscaper was paying ten dollars-an-hour cash and since he needed the job done in one day he asked me if I knew anybody else who was looking to make a little quick money.

At the time Mason was working as a file clerk for some medical billing company while he was going to school part time. And since I had never known him to turn his back on a dollar bill I gave him a call.

Anybody who had laid sod knows that there is almost no skill involved. All a body has to do is hoist a 30 or 40 pound roll of wet, muddy sod onto their shoulder and walk it over to where it needs to be laid. Over and over again. For hour after hour. And if you've never done it before let me tell you, they don't fertilize the stuff with potpourri. It is wet, dirty, sweaty, smelly work. And this yard looked like a football field. It took four guys nine hours to finish it.

At the end of the day the landscaper pulled out a roll of cash and handed each one of us a hundred dollar bill. We had only put in nine hours, but we had worked through lunch so he gave us a little bonus.

In the car on the ride home, filthy, sore, and exhausted, Mason was sitting next to me and looking at the hundred dollar bill he was holding in one, muddy hand.

I don't remember his exact words, but they were something along the lines of, "**** this."

The next Monday he dropped out of school, quit his job, and went into sales. And he hasn't looked back since.

So, in an indirect but very real way, Mason wouldn't be where he is today if it weren't for me.

Laugh it up,


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"A study has confirmed that eating less increases your lifespan. The study goes on to advise the residents of Wisconsin to get their affairs in order." -Conan O'Brien


"Summer officially begins tonight. So if you're wondering why your kids stopped going to school, that's probably the reason." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A company has developed a smart duvet, which can control a person's body temperature. The way it works is, when you get hot you kick it off." -Seth Meyers


Choosing a movie? Try these extremely abbreviated plot explanations:

- The Shining: A family's first Airbnb experience goes very wrong.

- The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.

- Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge.

- Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works.

- The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes out of the closet.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

"Just where do you think you going?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long."

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