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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Good morning crew,

So, after 1,500 miles of driving, two cookouts, about a thousand family photos, one doggie accident IN the car, a case of Pennsylvania wine and one windmill later, we're back home more or less in one piece.

You wouldn't think sitting in a car for 12 hours straight would be so exhausting, but I'm still recovering from tire-lag, so let's get on with some jokes and I'll fill you in on the details later.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien

***

"A British tech company has debuted new technology that lets clothing store mannequins talk about the outfit they are displaying. Said the inventor, 'The idea came to me in a nightmare.'" -Seth Meyers

***

"A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they'd mind leaving the room, the husbands and boyfriends were already gone." -Jimmy Fallon

***

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?"

"Two days ago."

"Hm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?"

"At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty."

"No, I mean what's he taking in college?"

"He's taking every penny I make."

"Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?"

"He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil."

"Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?"

"Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A farmer was quoted in the Town Gazette as having "2,008 pigs." He showed up the next morning to declare to the editor,

"That's a misprint! I didn't say I have 2,008 pigs. I told your reporter that I have 2 sows and 8 pigs."

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