Friday, June 9, 2017

Good morning crew,

I'm writing this yesterday (from your perspective). By this time I have probably just entered Pennsylvania and still have two or three more hours of driving in front of me.

I haven't even started this little odyssey yet and I'm already regretting it. I'm not as patient as I used to be.

20 years ago road trips were an adventure; new sights, new sounds, new experiences, the excitement of meeting whatever challenge the open road throws at me.

Now I look at it as 11 hours locked in a motorized, metal coffin.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Walmart is offering a new service where employees will deliver items to your house on their way home from work. Not only that - they'll also deliver the items in a Target bag so your neighbors think you're classy." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"According to The New York Times, one of the biggest doping scandals in the history of track and field is coming to light. It involves Russian athletes in the sport of racewalking - or as it's known to the billions of people who do it every day, 'hurrying up.'" -James Corden

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"A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters." -Seth Meyers

***
I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin.

Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?"

"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $5,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.

The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?"