Thursday, June 8, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
Recently I read a story about a study done at Michigan State University which showed that friendships are seen to be a predictor of positive overall health at later ages. Specifically supportive friends.
Interestingly, people who had stress-inducing friends were likely to experience chronic illness, but supportive friends tend to make people happier and healthier.
I was talking about this to my wife. "I wonder why I don't see any of my old friends anymore," I said. "I mean, I know we all have families and all of that, but come on, we used to have dozens of friends. There wasn't a weekend we didn't have plans. I don't see why we shouldn't be able to hook up once in a while."
"Well, TZ," she told me, "you are kind of an asshole."
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"Google is reportedly working on an update to the mobile version of its web browser to make it easier for people to use one handed. So I guess they're finally admitting what most people are using the Internet for." -Seth Meyers
After years being away from the Church a man begins to feel the spiritual pull again, so he decides to go to confession. He pulls aside the curtain on the confessional box, enters and sits himself down.
Inside there is an over-stuffed leather armchair next to a little mini-bar equipped with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, imported beer on ice, cigars and a box of liqueur chocolates.
He hears a priest enter the other side of the box. "Father, forgive me. It's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out of there, you idiot. You're on my side!"
"It's come out that a Navy SEAL has been moonlighting for seven years as a porn star. Even more surprising: It turns out that the guy who killed Osama bin Laden was Ron Jeremy." -Conan O'Brien
A man walks out on his front porch one day and sees a gorilla in the tree on his front lawn. He calls animal control and an hour later a man shows up with a ladder, a pit bull, and a shotgun. The animal control employee tells the man, "I'm here to get the gorilla out of your tree. I'm going to use this ladder to climb up the tree and shake the branch the gorilla is on to knock him to the ground. The pit bull is trained to go after anything that falls from the tree and bites their balls which paralyzes the animal with pain so I can lock him in the truck."
The man says, "Okay, I see what the ladder and the pit bull are for but what is the shotgun for?"
The animal control employee says, "Oh, that's for you. In case I fall out of the tree instead of the gorilla, shoot the dog."