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Friday, June 2, 2017

Good morning crew,

I'm in a good mood today because the holiday earlier this week means my normal garbage day, today, is pushed off until Saturday. That means I can mow my lawn and put the grass out for recycling tomorrow instead of leaving it to rot and stink up the garage for six days.

Come to think of it, that's pretty depressing. You know you're missing something in your life when you get excited about garbage day.

But, other than lawn maintenance I have a wedding to go to this weekend, and that is always a good time. As long as I can stay sober enough to not embarrass myself in front of the entire family.

Not as easy as it sounds.

Laugh it up,


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"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'" -Paula Poundstone


"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." -Drew Carey


"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror--like all the passengers in his car."


Two buddies were getting dressed in the locker room after a workout, when the first man saw something that give him a bit of a shock.

"How long have you been wearing that bra?" the man asked his friend.

The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Three elderly doctors have been friends for many years, and one afternoon at the club they started talking about their final arrangements.

The first, a dentist, says, "When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble."

"That's a very clever idea," says the cardiologist, "I'd love my tombstone to be shaped like a heart in red marble."

The urologist is silent for a bit, then says, "I'm thinking about having my ashes scattered."

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