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Saturday, May 27, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There are a lot of things a person might want to smuggle into a court house; video recording equipment, a bottle of booze, a gun? But one Michigan woman felt she could not make it through a day in court without her monkey.

Former Bay City resident Linda Stevenson visited the Bay County Court Facility and put her purse on the X-ray machine at the building's security station.

"I pushed the button for it to go through when it started making noises," said Bay County Sheriff's Court Security Deputy Pat McIver. "I was like, 'What was that?' She goes, 'Oh, that's my monkey.'"

The X-ray captured an image of the diminutive simian's skeleton within Stevenson's purse.

"I said, 'I need to see your monkey,'" McIver said. "She unzipped her purse, the monkey stuck its head out and looked around, and then she zipped it back up."

McIver told Stevenson she could not bring the monkey into the building. She returned him to her car, then quickly conducted her small claims-related business inside the courthouse.

After her business concluded, Stevenson was stopped by McIver on the way out and was asked to bring the monkey back inside for some of the other courthouse staff could see him. Stevenson obliged, bringing the monkey back to the security station.

"She opened her bag and the monkey climbed out on her arm, then climbed up onto my arm and across my shoulder," McIver said. When she instructed the primate to return to her purse, he did as instructed, the deputy said.

"He's amazing," Stevenson said about the monkey, adding she takes him everywhere with her.


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*-- Music Fest Constructs 4-mile Beer Pipeline --*

A heavy metal music festival in Germany constructed a 4-mile long beer pipeline to more efficiently serve beverages to its guests. The Wacken Open Air music festival began constructing the massive beer pipeline in the fall and announced it was completed on Tuesday. "Until this year, we always had to move dozens of barrels through the infield," the festival's website states. "We had to bring in full barrels before and during the shows and afterwards we had to remove the empty ones. This caused a lot of avoidable traffic. The new pipeline helps us to protect the floor!" Wacken Open Air's beer pipeline will be able to carry about 105,000 gallons of beer throughout the festival grounds and provide enough pressure to pour six beers in six seconds. "In this way, we will no longer have to distribute truck loads of beer kegs across the premises each day," festival spokeswoman Frederike Arns said.


*--- Why Won't Anybody Think of the Bunnies? ---*

Dennis Hof of the Bunny Ranch Brothel in Las Vegas, Nevada, said that he was awoken during the night when a semi-truck crashed into his building. 40-year-old Brian Brandt was driving the 18-wheeler when he crashed through the front gate and then into the building. Brandt of Reno, was wearing body armor and a mask when he crashed at 3:45 a.m., using a stolen tractor trailer. According to police, Brandt was angry that he was fired from his job at the Central Transport trucking company. He retaliated by stealing a truck and crashing it into brothel. Hof said that he to his employees never met Brandt. He believes that Brandt targeted the brothel because it is famous and "it would make for world wide news".

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

I'd have a threesome with 2 women for the price of a misdemeanor ticket.
[I never said they were broken up about it.]

Lewis, you've done that groin kung fu story before. Do these guys just keep pulling bigger and bigger buses with their junk or what? Why do they keep popping up in the news?
[Boy, you are hard to please. A guy pulls a bus with his dick and you're like, 'Seen it.']

Can you imagine if you were sitting on half a million dollars for 30 years and didn't know it? If I had 455,000 bucks 30 years ago my life would have been a lot less shitty.
[Look on the bright side, at least you have Bizarre News.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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