Thursday, May 25, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I saw poor Clean Laffs Joe in the office kitchen this morning. He was leaning on the counter with his head in his hands while waiting for a pot of coffee to brew.
"Doing alright, buddy?" I asked him. "You're looking a little worse for wear."
"I let some friends talk me into staying out later than I wanted to last night," he said. "A lot later. I'm not used to partying like that on a week night anymore. And somehow I ended up buying most of the drinks!
"There's nothing worse than waking up with a sore head and less money than you thought you had," he concluded.
I said, "Could be worse, you could have a sore ass and MORE money than you thought you had."
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Broccoli is kind of like anal sex; if it was forced on you as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. You could probably get a good price for your clubs."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"For a minute there you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't," he replied.
"Scientists have been able to create baby mice from freeze-dried mouse sperm that was kept on the International Space Station. When asked about it, the astronauts said, 'Wait a minute, so that WASN'T ice cream?'" -Conan O'Brien
A man was talking to his doctor. "Listen doc, I heard that you were compassionate towards helping a person out that is in pain and suffering. I heard that you could give a shot to euthanize and relieve all that."
The doctor said, "I can perform that service if the pain and suffering is too unbearable for the patient. How long have you been suffering?"
"Twenty years doc." said the man.
"Ok, it sounds like you want out of your misery." said the doctor.
"Great!" said the man, "My wife is in the waiting room, can you put her down now?"