Monday, May 22, 2017

Good morning crew,

What a weekend! Promotion testing at the school, then a graduation party, then half the day Sunday working on the world's longest landscaping project.

I did a little math after our last trip to the home improvement store, and the wife's beautification project is costing us a little over $16 a foot.

If you include the beer; $18 a foot.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"This week, a Toyota Land Cruiser set the record as the world's fastest SUV after reaching 230 mph. Apparently somebody was really late to their kid's soccer game." -Conan O'Brien

***
"A princess in Japan is giving up her royal status so she can marry a commoner. Which is something she'll definitely bring up in every single fight she has with her husband. 'Your friends are coming over for dinner? I gave up being a princess for you!'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"A company is selling a jacket with a heating mode and a cooling mode. The way it works is, there's a zipper." -Seth Meyers

***
Lesson in punctuation

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy--will you let me be yours?
Jane

Dear John:
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy.
Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jane




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Bill had been a wild bachelor all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Bill," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your routine of wine, women, and song."

Bill thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."