MOUTHPIECE - May 23, 2017
Some say I'm paranoid, but I'm really not. I just don't know why people keep talking about me and my supposed paranoia. It seems to be on everyone's tongue. Everywhere I look people are chatting away, no doubt it's about you-know-who. No matter where I go I just can't seem to escape it. I think I'm being followed. Not right now, I meant earlier.
Hey, wait! Who's reading this? What do you want?!
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives
[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"Fools admire, but men of sense approve."
"What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!"
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
[m] What's On the Web?
17 Backstage Photos That Will Immediately Improve Your Day
Here's a great way to improve your day! Check out 17 wonderful behind-the-scenes photos from famous films and television programs. Come for the "Worf Loves Yachts," stay for the "Orson Welles Giving A Piggyback Ride."
Visit: 17 Backstage Photos That Will Immediately Improve Your Day
Have you ever wondered just how much alcohol you have consumed in your lifetime? Or how much you have spent on those drunken nights? Take this test to find out the state of your kidneys, wallet and quantity of alcohol that has invaded your system over the years.
[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Top Ten Signs You're Paranoid --*
10. You run away upon seeing a mall directory that says, "You are here."
9. Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren't enough.
8. You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your house, but then fire him because he's part of the conspiracy.
7. Before you take the garbage cans back from the street, you check them for really short Mafia hit men.
6. You are learning six foreign languages because you just know those people you don't understand are talking about YOU.
5. You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is secretly plotting against you.
4. You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are plotting behind your back.
3. It takes you three hours each evening to program the household alarms and video surveillance system before you can go to bed.
2. You're checking off each number on this list as you read.
1. The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop showing up unless you have an actual reason to.
Missed an Issue? Visit the Mouthpiece Archives