Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Good morning crew,

It took another 8 hour day between us, but the wife and I finally finished painting the God-forsaken back yard fence last weekend.

About half way through the wife started dropping some subtle hints like, "You know, one coat really looks like it's covering it." And, "You can hardly see any red through the first coat at all." And, "I am not putting a second coat on this stupid fence."

By the end, when we were crawling on our hands and knees to get behind the lilac bush, she almost had me convinced. But if I'm going to do a job, I'm going to do it right, which means putting on two coats.

But something tells me I'm going to be putting that second coat on by myself.

That's okay. I'll leave the 2 tons of landscaping rocks for the wife.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"In Mexico, the world's heaviest man, who weighs almost 1,000 pounds, is preparing for surgery. The man said, 'After years of being unhappy with my appearance, I'm finally getting that nose job.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"I read that Facebook is shutting down its virtual reality film studio. People were like, 'If I wanted to see my Facebook friends in 3D, I'd actually hang out with them.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"The Canadian food inspection agency announced that gin is being recalled. The recall was announced because bottles of Bombay Sapphire gin were found to contain 77 percent alcohol by volume rather than the typical 40 percent. Here's how you can tell--normally, gin tastes like juniper with hints of lemon and coriander. Seventy-seven percent alcohol gin tastes like regret, with hints of fighting a parking meter." -Stephen Colbert

***
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is the vacuum on or off?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"

The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven."

The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets."

So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"

After a few moments of intense concentration the boy said, "Eleven."