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Thursday, May 4, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Apparently today is Star Wars Day because May, the 4th sounds like 'May the force' to a generation of middle-aged, sexually repressed fan boys who can't let go of a 'B' sci-fi movie from 40 years ago.

So to appease the sweaty, myopic, social retards on my list (which is probably most of you) I tried to look up some decent Star Wars humor for today's issue, but everything I found was too stupid even for this publication, which should give you an idea of the kind of crap that is out there.

There was one about a hairy Wookie which I thought was mildly amusing, but I closed the page and couldn't find it again. Don't worry, it wasn't that much of a loss.

So instead of jokes I spent an hour or two looking up images of fat chicks cosplaying as Princess Leia.

Much more entertaining.


Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link:

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"Rachel Maddow's much-hyped release of Donald Trump's 2005 tax returns last night was considered by many to be a letdown. No one's been this disappointed by Rachel Maddow since the guy who took her to the prom." -Conan O'Brien

A Guy walks up to an attractive, young woman in a bar and says, "You remind me of my little toe."

She replies, "What's that supposed to mean? Like I'm small and cute or something?"

He says, "No. It means I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."

"New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. 'Well, well, well, look who we have here!'" -Jimmy Fallon

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? Death. What's that...a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

(1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling better every day.

(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

(3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf, you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for High School.

(4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become a baby;

(5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, then you finish off as an orgasm!

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