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Sunday, April 23, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

An old high school buddy invited me to a round of golf this week. I haven't seen him since last summer and when I pulled up in the parking lot I was surprised to see him sporting a six inch beard.

"That fuzz on your face is longer than your dick," I said by way of greeting. "I bet Marie is happy that you've taken up the Charles Darwin look." I leaned in and sniffed. "Actually, your beard smells like Marie's clam. How is she, by the way?"

"Not happy."

"Understandable considering who she married."

Later in the round the cart girl complemented him on his beard as he was buying a drink. She left and he turned to me and said, "She wants me."

Some things never change. 'She wants me' was the caption beneath his high school yearbook photo.

"They all do, Bones. They all do."



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"I wonder who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what on EARTH did he think he was doing?" -Billy Connolly

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"

The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"

"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

"When we got married we registered at Bloomingdale's because you can return everything for cash. And I figure each place setting can keep me in beer money for about a month." --Gary Barkin

A sailor came home from a year-long deployment only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Sam?" he demanded.

"No!" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.

"NO!" she said even more upset.

"Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?" he yelled.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she screamed.

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