Powered By

Friday, April 21, 2017

Good morning crew,

We've run into a little snag in our landscaping project. It occurred to me that if I dump a couple tons of stone up against the fence, I will just have to dig it back up again when I get around to replacing the warped boards, and re-staining the whole thing.

So the landscaping project is now on hold until the fence project is complete. That means tonight I have to go to the home improvement store and buy a half dozen gallons of primer and stain, some sand paper, paint brushes and rollers, and drop cloths. And I need to find somebody I can borrow a pressure washer from.

At least I won't be bored this weekend.

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago." -Conan O'Brien


"A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking." -James Corden


"Tax Day normally falls on April 15, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it's illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. It's weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. A restaurant wouldn't do that." -Jimmy Kimmel


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.

"Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked.

"I am real," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?"

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.

"I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested.

"I don't have a girlfriend," I answered.

"No girlfriend? Why not?"

"My wife won't let me."

Top Viewed Issues