GopherCentral.com Powered By PulseTV.com

Friday, April 14, 2017

Good morning crew,

Easter is this weekend, so happy Resurrection Sunday to all of you who celebrate it. I think this year the wife and I will be celebrating quietly at home with a nice, fat, juicy baked ham (and maybe some potatoes au gratin, green beans, hot buttered rolls, and of course, a nice even dozen hard boiled eggs).

Just like Jesus would have done.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"Today is the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, where families gather for a meal and recall a story of ancient grievances. Or as that's known in my family, 'Thanksgiving.'" -Conan O'Brien

***

"A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers

***

"A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you're one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right." -Jimmy Fallon

***

As I Mature...

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just aren't worth it.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting, long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The pastor of a Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is."

The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!"

Top Viewed Issues