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Monday, April 10, 2017

Good morning crew,

This Sunday the wife spent the day at her nieces' dance recital (well, my nieces too, I guess). I declined the privilege. While I can appreciate the artistic talents of 8 and 9-year-old girls as much as the next guy, I thought I could find more productive ways to spend my afternoon.

The wife left at 11. When she got home at six p.m., sore and cramped from spending seven hours sitting in a wood, grammar school auditorium seat, I was just getting up from my late afternoon nap.

"Had a productive day?" she asked me.

"Oh yeah," I said, stretching. "Got a lot done."

She made a show of peeking out the back window, "I see the landscaping stones are still right where you stacked them last summer."


"And the warped boards on the fence haven't been replaced."


"At least you cleaned up the breakfast dishes," she observed.

"The least I could do," I told her, pecking her on the cheek.

"Did you do anything else today?"

My eyes lit up and I nodded enthusiastically.


"I finally finished my computer game!"

Laugh it up,


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"The Cleveland Zoo announced today that its rare black rhinoceros is pregnant. They made the announcement right after she confirmed it with her rhino-cologist." -Seth Meyers


"Chipotle is considering opening a new restaurant that specializes in hamburgers. After what their burritos did, Chipotle now wants to ruin a new set of buns." -Jimmy Fallon


"A controversial 1,200-year-old document has been found that shows evidence that Jesus was married. I don't believe it. What married guy gets to spend all his free time with his 12 buddies?" -Conan O'Brien


A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a laugh; "You're kidding me, right? You don't even know the way to the Post Office."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Things I never learned in high school:

1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.

But I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem!

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