Friday, April 7, 2017

Good morning crew,

The wife has inked my social calendar for me again this weekend.

One of her relatives will be celebrating her 90th birthday, bless her heart, and her family is throwing her a huge birthday bash.

A person can pick up quite a few partying tricks in 90 years and I don't want to look like a piker. I may have to dust off my old, college keg standing skills for this rager.

I'll fill you in on any interesting stories next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The shoe store Payless is filing for bankruptcy and closing nearly 400 stores in the United States. Yes, 400 shoe stores closed, but thousands of soles lost. The problem was their work ethic. Most of Payless was just a bunch of loafers." -James Corden

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"UPS announced yesterday that it will begin delivering packages on Saturdays. Unless, of course, you plan on being home on Saturday." -Seth Meyers

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"The Fourth of July holiday weekend is almost upon us. The original Brexit is the Fourth of July. It's my favorite holiday. You don't have to wrap anything, other than bacon around a hot dog." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes...

The first, a Florida surgeon, says: "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded."

The third, a California surgeon, says: "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth, an New York surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift."

"Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block."