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Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Good morning crew,

While I did not kick any bridesmaids at last week's wedding reception (the wife included), I did get into a bit of trouble. The problem was that I had a few adult beverages that night and I started to let my guard down.

In a vulnerable moment I made an irresponsible comment to a couple friends who were also at the reception about having a cookout the next day.

What I was thinking I don't know, but as Ernest Hemingway famously said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

When my eyes cracked open 8 o'clock Saturday morning my first thought was, 'Good Lord, I have to clean, shop and cook.'

It all seems blithefully easy at 11 p.m. with a whiskey sour in your hand, but at 8 a.m. 3 or 4 hours of frantic chores seems like a poor trade compared with a leisurely cup of coffee or two, followed by a late breakfast and then a nap.

But it turned out to be a good time in the end. Once the work got done and everybody was sitting around enjoying barbecue chicken wings and ice cold beer it was worth it.

Until my eyes cracked open 8 o'clock Sunday morning and I thought to myself, 'Good Lord, I have to clean the grill and do all the dishes.'

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I was thinking about doing something to my wife on April Fools' Day but then I thought, you know what, tricking her into marrying me was more than enough prank." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man's career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat. So if you're a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You're hideous." -James Corden

***

"Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles." -Conan O'Brien

***

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.

"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Tom.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

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