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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Good morning crew,

Last weekend the wife and I went to have a couple drinks at a new martini bar that was recommended to me. It is a couple towns over from us, so we planned to make an evening of it and have dinner out there as well.

The bar is actually a retail location for a local vodka distillery and they serve a variety of drinks made exclusively from their own brand of vodka. It's pretty good stuff too. The wife had a French martini and I had the James Bond with delicious bleu cheese-stuffed olives.

Despite the fact that the place is rather antiseptic in its appointments, there was a small but lively crowd in residence and soon we were engaged in friendly banter with the couple sitting next to us at the bar.

As it goes with that kind of thing we bought them a round and then they bought us a round, and an hour later we were the best of friends. So when the wife mentioned that we were looking for a place to have dinner they insisted that we "had" to go with them to their favorite bistro right down the street.

That place turned out to be pretty good too. The wife had a plate of chicken and spinach tortellini and I had the braised lamb shank.

And after a couple more glasses of wine added the warm glow of brotherly love to the table we were sharing food off our own plates with a couple people who were complete strangers barely two hours before.

By the end of the night we were sharing selfies and phone numbers. We stood outside the restaurant talking for a half hour before we finally parted company with warm hugs and hearty handshakes. It seemed like we had never met more sincere, congenial people.

As we were walking back down the street the wife exclaimed, "What a nice couple. You know what? We should totally invite them to the house next weekend!"

"To the house?" I said.

"Yeah, why not?" she asked me.

"Hanging out at a bar is one thing," I told her, "but we hardly know those people!"

Laugh it up,


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"Industry experts are speculating that Chipotle could be planning to add breakfast options. Of course, Chipotle already has a breakfast option. It's the half a burrito you woke up next to." -Seth Meyers


"A school in Tennessee is facing criticism for separating students with bad grades from students with good grades at lunch. Thats crazy! You dont use grades to separate kids. Everyone knows that kids should be separated by clothes, looks, and how much money their parents make." -Jimmy Fallon


"Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien


I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

"Just where do you think you're going?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I came home one night and my wife was crying.
I said, "what's wrong?"
She said, "I'm home sick."
I said, "But, this IS your home."
"I know," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!"

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