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Friday, March 24, 2017

Good morning crew,

Black belt promotion testing again this weekend. That is always a long and tiring day, but it is worth it to see the kids finally make their first degree. My job is to help make sure they earn it.

A big part of earning that degree is the endurance testing. Three hours of calisthenics, strength training and kicking drills. The kids always try to dog the exercises after the first ten or fifteen minutes and I am there to encourage, cajole, persuade and sometimes threaten them in order to keep them from quitting. This almost always gets at least one of them crying. Frequently several.

To tell you the truth, I really don't feel like I have done my job if I don't have at least one little kid crying within a half hour.

Laugh it up,


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"Amazon Prime has made it possible to have beer and wine delivered to your home by Alexa. All you have to do is say the phrase, 'Alexa, Daddy's sad.'" -Conan O'Brien


"In international news, police in Italy have arrested 10 people for stealing more than $250,000 in fine wine and gourmet cheese. Yes, their motive is they were hosting a book club. When the police caught them, they said the thieves were armed and extremely constipated." -James Corden


"A new study suggests that not all psychopaths are bad. 'Thank you,' said people who pour the milk in before the cereal." -Seth Meyers


So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, "Straighten her up."

I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up and take some responsibility."

My wife hasn't asked me to help with her since.

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