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Friday, March 17, 2017

Good morning crew,

The wife is going to be out of town this weekend at a wedding. It looks like I'm going to stuck at home all alone with absolutely nothing to do.

The only thing going on this weekend is St. Patrick's Day tonight, of course, and the Irish Parade my town hosts every year is this Sunday, where 20,000 locals will spend the entire day celebrating at the dozen or so restaurants, bars and beer gardens in our little downtown area with live music, food, dancing, and a swimming pool size volume of beer, not to mention the parade itself.

Oh, and I just received the second part of my tax refund.

Well, I'm sure I'll be able to find something to occupy my time.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Everyone's OK, but over the weekend off the coast of Florida, a Carnival Cruise ship almost hit two jet skiers. Today, the captain of the ship apologized and said, 'I'll get them next time.'" -Conan O'Brien

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"College students are out of town for spring break. This is the time of year students take a well-deserved break from partying and drinking at school to go party and drink on a beach." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Police in South Carolina charged a substitute teacher last week for allegedly being drunk while in class. Students realized she was drunk after she kept referring to lunch period as 'Miller time.'" -Seth Meyers

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A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows):

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.

After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, "We need individuals who are totally responsible."

The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!"

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