Saturday, March 11, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Just a friendly reminder, Daylight Saving Time begins this weekend. So don't forget to set your clocks ahead one hour Sunday morning and hope you don't drop dead!

Oh yeah, Daylight Saving is a killer.

A magazine article published by Duke Energy, one of the largest electric utilities in the country, took aim at the clock-changing law, which was updated just over a decade ago by a 2005 energy bill. It pointed out a number of adverse health effects that are a side effect of using 0.5 percent less energy per day as a result of gaining an hour of sunlight.

Studies published over the last decade on the effects of daylight saving time "have found that the time change interrupts sleep cycles, causing fatigue, lack of productivity and sadness," the article added. Even worse, medical studies showed that daylight saving time also can lead to death. "Other studies show that the number of heart attacks spikes in the days following the March time change, and after the November time change, the frequency of heart attacks decreases."

So try to avoid stress and overexertion Sunday, especially if you normally have a little weekend nookie on Sunday mornings. It's just not worth your life.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Click http://gopherarchives.gophercentral.com

Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com




*--------- Chris Columbus Can Suck It ---------*
South African watersport pro Chris Bertish has just achieved a world first: he crossed the Atlantic solo, unassisted and unsupported, on a stand-up paddle board. The big-wave surfer and Guinness World Record holder crossed 4,500 nautical miles, setting off from Agadir, Morocco, on December 6 and arriving at English Harbour, Antigua, on the morning of March 9. Bertish's stand-up paddleboard is a custom-made, 1,360-pound, 20-foot-long vessel fitted with a tiny cabin and solar panels. For 93 days Bertish has paddled the equivalent of a marathon a day. Along the way he also set the record for the furthest distance traveled solo, unsupported and unassisted over open ocean in a day (71.96 miles).

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*----------------- Land Shark -----------------*
A Walmart manager called police after finding a large shark in one of the store's shopping carts, according to police in Florida. A St. Johns County Sheriff's Office deputy said that he contacted the, after seeing the dead shark in the parking of the Walmart store. While the manager was inspecting the store's parking lot she came across the shopping cart and saw the dead shark inside. The manager did not want to throw the dead shark in the garbage so she called police. Police questioned a man who had parked an RV in the store's parking lot near where the dead shark was found. He told police that when he woke up in the morning, he noticed the dead shark on the hood of his vehicle. He did not know who placed it there. Before leaving to work, the man placed the shark on the ground.




*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*
Speaking of Lorena Bobbitt, remember this one? Two guys are in a car behind Lorena Bobbitt when something splatters on the windshield. "What kind of bug was that?" says one. "I don't know," says the other, "but it must have been a big one. Did you see the size of the dick on that thing." -Mike, Latrobe PA
[That joke wasn't funny 24 years ago and it isn't funny now.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*