Thursday, March 9, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have been struggling with my taxes this year. Some things have changed and I am dangerously close to actually owing the government money. And that's not gonna fly. So I have been looking for any additional deductions I can make.

The only thing on my return with any fudge room is charitable contributions. So I have been thinking...

Strippers are frequently single moms putting themselves through college, at least most of the strippers I have ever met are single moms putting themselves through college.

So if giving five bucks to a homeless person is considered charity, giving five bucks to a poor, struggling, desperate, single mother, with 34Ds and a five-year-old at home to feed should be considered charity too.

And you know, five bucks, five bucks, five bucks, it adds up.

Anyway, my favorite dancer at the Pink Pony is named Charity, so technically...

Are the any tax lawyers on the list who can give me some free advice?

Charitably,

TZ

Send me comments, jokes and pictures of all the hot women in your family at this link: tz@gophercentral.com

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"Representative Jason Chaffetz says poor people need to choose between healthcare or a new iPhone. Did I hear him correctly? Is he saying health insurance costs the same as a phone? The real problem is he's talking to the American people like he's talking to his own kids. 'Maybe if you mowed lawns over the summer like I told you, you could afford that new kidney that you wanted.'" -James Corden



I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can."

"Well," I said, "I think my dick tastes funny..."




"YouTube temporarily pulled a New York zoo's live stream of a giraffe giving birth, after some complained that it was sexually explicit. I just want to say if you are watching an animal give birth and you think this is too sexy, the problem is you." -James Corden



On the first day of the school term the shop teacher was surprised to see a rather proper-looking young lady sitting in the front row of his classroom. Her name was Emily and she was the only girl to sign up for the woodwork class.

The bemused teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right class. Emily assured him that she was.

The teacher, still somewhat puzzled, added, "This course may be a bit out of your league. Do you have any experience at all working with tools?"

"What exactly do you mean?" Emily asked.

"Well, for example, do you know the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the teacher expounded.

After pondering for a moment, Emily admitted, "I can't really say, since I've never been 'bolted'."