Saturday, March 4, 2017
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
A self-righteous woman slammed into a chicken truck twice because she does not like the fact that people are eating living things.
26-year-old Judith Moriah Armstrong of Georgia, was arrested after she crashed into the truck that was carrying live chickens before fleeing the scene.
The unidentified truck driver was traveling west on Highway 72, when a four-door red car hit his truck twice.
The truck driver called the police when the car fled. Madison County deputies found the vehicle's license plate in the debris the was left after the crash. That is how they were able to trace the owner of the car, who matched the description given to them by the truck driver.
During the interrogation, Armstrong admitted to being involved in an accident and said that she fled for fear of losing her license.
She also told the officers that she hit the truck because she is a vegan.
Police said that Armstrong appeared to be drunk. She denied having alcohol before the crash. She claimed that she "took a couple of shots" when she got home.
She was tested for alcohol and blew a .089, which is above the legal limit.
Armstrong now faces charges of hit-and-run, aggressive driving, driving under the influence, and obstruction.
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Click http://gopherarchives.gophercentral.com
Questions? Comments? Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
*----------------- Killer Porn -----------------*
A lonely Japanese man who amassed more than six tons of porn died when a huge pile of magazines fell on top of him. And even more tragically, the man's body was only discovered six months later when the landlord entered the flat to find out why the rent had not been paid. The man's lowly death was revealed by a member of the cleaning team, who said his company had been hired to remove the magazines discreetly in a way that would not be noticed by neighbours and the man's family to save them from the shame. It was unclear if he had suffered a heart attack and fallen into the stacks of magazines which had then fallen on top of him, or whether he had been crushed by the mass of paper. Every space in the flat was filled with piles of magazines, which also stacked on tables and on shelves. At the time of his death the collection weighed in at six metric tons (13,228 pounds).
*------------- Tidal Wave of Beer -------------*
A Nevada Highway Patrol dashboard camera was recording when a trooper was drenched by a load of beer that fell from a truck. The highway patrol said Trooper Travis Smaka had pulled a driver over for speeding. "You guys have anything to drink tonight?" Trooper Travis Smaka asks the vehicle's occupants in the dashboard camera footage. The driver says he has not been drinking, and moments later the sound of a truck losing its load of beer can be heard. The video shows a wave of beer from shattered bottles go straight toward the trooper. "Well, over 1,000 pounds of beer shattering and a tidal wave of beer coming at me," Smaka said. Troopers said the semi is believed to have lost its load due to slamming on its brakes when cut off by another vehicle. A similar crash on a Florida highway last year didn't drench any troopers, but it did take the highway happy hour to the next logical level by also involving a truckload of potato chips that ended up in the roadway along with the load of Busch beer.
*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*
Hey Lewis, Regarding the woman who shot her boyfriend 7 times - 3 times in the crotch, kind of makes Lorena Bobbitt look like an amateur! -Mark
[I'm not sure. I think the guy who got shot kept his penis. Lorena Bobbitt chopped that poor little sucker right off. Although if memory serves, I think they sewed it back on.]
I'm probably not the first one to answer this, but that squirt gun line is from the 1987 movie House Of Games starring Joe Mantegna and Lindsay Crouse. -Chris
[That's right. About 6 people got it. I guess there are more Mamet fans out there than I thought.]
I tried learning Iron Crotch Kung Fu. Now my crotch is rusty from lack of use. -Tim
[If it's actually "rusty" you might want to go see a urologist, buddy.]
*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*