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THE DAILY GROANER - March 1, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,


Here's a random thought...Whomever, whoever, or whatever originally uttered the phrase "fight fire with fire" was probably a pyromaniac.

Think about it.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- One Liners --*

* Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

* NASA reports that galaxies are speeding away from earth at 90,000 miles a second. What do you suppose they know that we don't?

* Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

* The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee.

* My husband has suggested a candlelight dinner at home for our anniversary. Is he being romantic or just cheap?

* A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken.

* There are two types of roads in our country. One is under construction and the other is under repair.

* When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

* What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?

* People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.

* Hermits have no peer pressure.

* Never trust a story that has been told more than twice.

* If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier machine.



*-- Bread Pick Up Lines --*

I could rack my grain and I still wouldn't be able to think of a prettier girl than you.

Is your dad a baker? Because your buns are fantastic.

I love you like a hot stove baby!

I'll put a bun in your oven!

They call me Yeast, and I can get a rise out of you yet!

You know, when stuck in a jam, you're the bun I want to be with!



*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?

A: Honey, I'm home!


Q: What is the best way to carve wood?

A: Whittle by whittle!

***

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