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THE DAILY GROANER - February 27, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,


I've noticed lately that when people are sick in public they tend to forget about common-courtesy. It's true. If you're sick just do us all a favor and stay home.

Now I know when we get sick we feel miserable and it's hard to get through normal daily tasks without coughing, sneezing, barfing, sniffing, drooling, nose-blowing, moaning, groaning, or having to visit the bathroom for an emergency evacuation, but can you just have the decency to do all of those horrendous illness related activities the hell away from me!

When someone gets sick why do they always feel the need to be right up on you to talk to you? Hey, Typhoid Mary, if you have something important to pass my way just email it or write it on a piece of paper, ball it up and chuck it on over or maybe consider using a carrier-pigeon. Just keep your Outbreak monkeyness out of my area. Thanks.

And if you have to blow your nose every five seconds and you're surrounded by snot riddled tissues that look like they came out of a diseased pinata then stay home. And wash your hands for crying out loud, ya mucus goose!

And if you can't stop sneezing due to allergies and you refuse to take anything to help to tame the violent motion and awful sound that you make because it makes you drowsy, well, do the world a favor and put on your PJs because you going to be unconscious faster than a novice MMA fighter.

All I'm saying is just think about the people around you the next time your feeling under the weather. And if you don't... Well, I guess one way or another you're going to wind up in the hospital.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a teacher?

A: A lot of blood tests.


Q: Did you hear about the alligators that joined the FBI?

A: They became investi-gators.



*-- The French Thief --*

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre.

However, after planning the crime, getting in and out passed security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."



*-- More Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What is a mouse's favorite game?

A: Hide and Squeak.


Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A: Patty.

***

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