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Friday, February 24, 2017

Good morning crew,

I got a peek at the seedy underbelly of the dry cleaning and alterations industry this week.

I have a sweatshirt that I bought in Maui, Hawaii when the wife and I tried to kill ourselves by bicycling down a volcano. That was all the way back in 2012 and you can read about that little adventure by clicking here if you're interested.

Anyway, the zipper pull broke off a couple months ago and despite the fact that the sweatshirt is five years old I decided to have it repaired for sedimentary reasons.

So I took it to the Korean dry cleaners in my neighborhood and asked them to fix it.

He said, "No problem. 9 dollar. You come back next week."

I said, "Ok, I come back next week."

That was in December. Earlier this week the stupid zipper broke off again, so I took it back to the guy. At first he tried arguing with me, telling me that he cannot guarantee his work for life (his words). I told him that I did not want it guaranteed for life, but I was expecting a little more than 8 weeks.

Finally he said, "OK, OK, I fix."

With an air of exasperation he grabbed a box of zipper pulls and a pair of pliers, and he replaced the pull right in front of me in about 90 seconds.

Remember, I paid 9 dollars for this job. 9 dollars for 90 seconds worth of work comes out to $360 dollars an hour. I'm starting to wonder what I went to college for. But what really confuses me is why in the hell he forces people to wait a week for work he can do in minutes.

If anything it was an education. Now I know A) how dry cleaners make piles of money off of morons who can't perform simple tasks, and B) how to replace a zipper pull.

If you're interested in learning how, send me 9 bucks and I'll tell you the trick.

Laugh it up,


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"A college student in Pennsylvania is suing her school for the C+ she got in a class. She said, 'I'm suing whoever's responsible for this!' And her professor said, 'Don't you mean WHOMEVER?'" -Jimmy Fallon


"A recent report shows that pot smokers get into fewer car crashers than drunk people. Then again, it's easier to see what is coming when you're driving at 11 miles-an-hour." -Conan O'Brien


"A restaurant here in New York has started selling a so-called 'New Yorker milkshake' which comes topped with whipped cream and a slice of cheesecake. Which means the next topping you'll get is a coffin lid." -Seth Meyers


[This story was sent by Clean Laffs reader Jeff in Tucson...]

When I was around 4 years old, I was biting my nails pretty badly and my mother showed me a picture of a child with a very swollen belly due to malnutrition. "That will happen to you if you keep biting your nails," she told me.

Later that week we were in the supermarket standing in line at the checkout counter behind a lady who was obviously 9 months pregnant. I pointed to her and, in a very loud voice, said, "We know what she has been doing don't we mommy?"

Have you ever seen your mother try to crawl under a cash register and hide?

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text;

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

He replied, "I am on the toilet. Please advise."

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