Powered By

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Good morning crew,

I think parenting has changed, and I'll tell you what I mean. I was teaching two little kids the other day at the school. Both white belts, brother and sister actually, ages four and six.

Now, it is a martial arts school, so a little bit of yelling is expected, but as the minutes trickled past and they began to get distracted, my volume increased. It is one of the few ways I can keep their attention.

They were having a difficult time executing the combination of moves I was trying to teach them, and they were getting frustrated with the repetition. I have to admit, I was too.

Eventually, after the tenth or twelfth time I showed them the combination and they were still unable to repeat it, I grabbed a kicking target and smacked it down on the mat right at their feet with a gunshot-like crack.

They jumped and I started chasing them around in a circle while we all screamed like a maniacs. Eventually I got them to settle down again and we were able to finish the class.

After class was over their mother, who was watching the whole episode, walked up to me. I really thought I was going to get a complaint for treating her kids a little too harshly, but she said, "You know, you're such a good teacher. You really seem to have a way with kids!"

What the hell is she doing at home that makes it seem like I really have a way with her kids?

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They found this out by adding 10 pounds to the Milky Way's weight on its Tinder profile." -Conan O'Brien


"A man in Georgia was arrested for stealing a Krispy Kreme doughnut truck and leading police on a high-speed chase. The police charged him with one count of grand theft irony." -Jimmy Fallon


"A survey by the national retail foundation said that some people even give their fish Valentine's Day gifts. A good way to tell that you've lost your mind is if you give your fish a Valentine's Day gift." --Jimmy Kimmel


Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery, where I asked the owner for six rolls.

"Your wife must love these rolls," he said.

"How do you know these are for my wife?" I asked.

"Because I'm pretty sure your mother would send you out in weather like this."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy, stupid and cheap; but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?"

Top Viewed Issues