Powered By

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I have heard it said that it's hard to get good horse genitals in the U.S. Maybe that's why two women tried to smuggle some in recently at Washington Dulles International Airport.

To be fair it wasn't just genitals.

In January two women arrived from Mongolia at Dulles and Customs and Border Protection officers sent them for a routine agriculture examination. What they found was 42 pounds of horse meat concealed inside juice boxes.

And if you've ever seen the size of a juice box, you'd know that 42 pounds would take up a LOT of juice boxes.

The genitals was the big eye opener. 13 pounds of it. But when you think about it; 13 pounds is like, 2 genitals for a horse.

One of the women claimed that the horse genitals was for medicinal purposes (don't they all), but unfortunately for her horse meat is prohibited from entering the country unless the traveler has an official government horse meat certification from the country of origination. The concern is bringing foot and mouth disease into the United States and introducing it to livestock here.

"Customs and Border Protection takes no pleasure in seizing and destroying travelers' food products," said Wayne Biondi, CBP Port Director for Washington Dulles. "We're in the business of protecting America's agriculture industries, like the livestock industry, from the potential introduction of animal diseases posed by these unpermitted food products."

All of the meat was incinerated.


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Click

Questions? Comments? Email:

*-- Worker Finds $100,000 Inside 30-year-old TV --*

A worker at an Ontario recycling plant opened up an old TV set and made a shocking discovery -- more than $100,000 cash. Rick Deschamps, general manager of Global Electric Electronic Processing, said the TV was brought to the facility over a year ago, but a worker just started disassembling it in January. "She came running up with this security cash box and she goes, 'I found $10,000,'" he said. "We do anywhere from 10,000 to 30,000 televisions a month, so the odds that that TV came at that particular moment with that woman, she opened it up, started dismantling it and finding the cash box -- it's like finding the lottery," the manager said. The cash box also contained documents that helped police track down the rightful owner, a 68-year-old man in Bolsover, Ontario. The man told police the money was inherited from his parents and stashed in the TV for safe-keeping, but he eventually forgot about the cash and gave the TV to a family friend. Meanwhile, I found a dollar seventy-five in change behind the sofa cushions.


*-- 'Spider Boy' Sets Contortion World Record --*

A 13-year-old boy from Palestine set a world record for his superior skills as a contortionist. Mohammed Alsheikh, known as "Spider Boy," ran his legs around his own body 38 times to claim the Guinness World Record for "Most full body revolutions maintaining a chest stand in one minute." Alsheikh said, "I'm very excited that I have achieved a Guinness World Records title and I managed to exceed the previous record holder who was a lot older than me." He was born with an exceptionally-flexible spine and has competed as an athlete for five years and used his skill to reach the final three in Arab's Got Talent in 2015. "I have a wish and I hope to be a world champion in my sport," Alsheikh said. "My dream for the future is to be famous and well known throughout the world."

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Lewis, you said if you were "being drunk and fighting in silk undershorts" it would be weird too, but isn't that something a lot of boxers do? I don't see the problem unless he has horseshoes in his gloves. -John
[Yeah, I guess, except for the drunk part. Unless I really have no idea how boxing works.]

LEWIS; Perhaps now that a school in Pennsylvania has banned the use of forks and knives after students have been stabbing one another, perhaps their next move will be to ban possession of sharpened pencils and ball point pens which also be used for stabbings. Besides don't pupils these days do all their classwork on computer screens eliminating use of writing implements anyway? -R.S.
[I don't know. I suppose you could beat someone to death with a computer.]

It's Hard to Hurt Someone with a Spork? Does this mean no knifes and forks until they quit acting like Democrats?

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

Top Viewed Issues