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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I was standing in line at my local supermarket the other day when I noticed the guy ahead of me was the urologist I went to see about six years ago when I had a painful knot on one of my balls.

"Hey, Doc," I said, "how are you?"

"Hello," he said looking at me trying to figure out who the hell I was. "Did I treat you?" he asked in his sing song voice (he's an Indian...dots not feathers).

"You sure did. I had a urinary tract infection that caused an epididymus infection," I remembered. "You gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. You did repeatedly tell me: 'You shouldn't masturbate so much.'"

The doctor just stared at me. "You've got quite the memory."

"Yeah, well, I never forget anyone who's had my balls in their hands."



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"On Valentine's Day, the most popular search terms on Pornhub are 'love' and 'romance.' Those searches result in the message, 'What's your problem? This is Pornhub.'" -Conan O'Brien

Hit the gym this morning, then had a nice shower.

I've just picked up a bottle of home brew from one of the neighbours for this afternoon.

I've got a few joints rolled up for the XBox tournament with the guys.

After that I'll fuck around online with some porn and gambling sites.

Then to finish off the perfect day, it's a nice blow job before I go to bed.

Fuck, I love prison!

"According to a new study, having sex in a hot tub could cause infections and rashes. Though if you're the kind of person who has sex in hot tubs, you probably brought a couple with you." -Seth Meyers

A little old lady from North Carolina had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan/rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all..."

She said, "I know all about milk and dairy farms... I can do this!"

She sent in her entry and about a week later a black limo drove up in front of her house. A man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it." Here is her entry:

Carnation milk, best milk in the land
comes to you in a little red can.
Carnation milk is best of all
no tits to pull, no hay to haul.
No buckets to wash, no shit to pitch,
just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch!

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