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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Good morning crew,

My plans for the afternoon include going to the gym, and if I'm feeling particularly industrious, going home and doing laundry.

You wouldn't think this kind of stuff is exciting, and it isn't, but not every day can be an adventure.

Maybe I'll try to distract myself with a beer to two, but the last time I brought a cooler in the weight room at the health club I got yelled at.

Laugh it up,


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"Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Which means in 24 hours, guys all across the country will be telling their loved ones, 'I thought you said we weren't doing gifts this year.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"The funniest place to be on Valentine's Day is the drugstore checkout line at around 7 p.m. The only place you'll see desperation like that is at a casino in Vegas, standing in line for the ATM." -Jimmy Kimmel


"Facebook has just added a new tool for finding help during disasters. Unfortunately, then Facebook shows you photos of your friends having a much better time during their disasters." -Conan O'Brien


Why the Military can't communicate with each other...

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes. Being only a couple tables away from her, I felt a stinging pain in my hand where I was cut from the shattered debris. I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor.

"What happened?" he asked.

I said, "Attacked by a flying saucer."

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