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Monday, February 13, 2017

Good morning crew,

So my mother-in-law had a pleasant birthday dinner out Friday night. So I hear. We weren't with them. The wife and I were supposed to have dinner with her parents, but things didn't quite work out that way.

The wife recommended a steakhouse close to our neighborhood, and we made plans to meet them there. It just so happened that we arrived right before them. In fact, we were walking into the restaurant as her parents pulled up, so the wife turned around to wait for them while I went inside to get our reservation.

Five minutes later the wife found our table and sat down.

Glancing around I asked, "Where are your Ps?"

"They left," she said.

Waiting a few seconds for more information I finally prompted, "Any particular reason?"

She sighed, "Yeah, my dad didn't want the valet to park his car."

"So they just left?"


"Did you tell him the valet is free? You just have to tip the kid a couple bucks when he brings your car back."

"It's not the money," she explained, "to him it's the principle of the thing."

I screwed up my face in confusion. "I don't get it. Was your dad emotionally traumatized by a valet driver or something? Did a valet driver steal his sweetheart away from him in high school?"

"No. He doesn't have anything against valet drivers," she paused, "I don't think. He just doesn't like anybody else driving his car."

"So to spite the valet industry they passed up a steak dinner, huh? Where did they go to eat?"

She buried her face in the menu. "Pizza."

"Oh, that's good stuff," I said.

She jerked her head up with a shape glance, "You can NOT write about this."

Laugh it up,


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"The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most - waiting in airports and exercise." -Jimmy Fallon


"For Valentine's Day, some KFCs are letting you send a loved one a heart-shaped bucket of fried chicken. And even better, if you really hate someone, you can send them two buckets." -Conan O'Brien


"The British tabloid, The Mirror, published a story about a woman who faked her own death to break off a relationship after the man wouldn't leave her alone. Ahh, yes, the old 'It's not you, I'm dead' approach." -Seth Meyers


I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and weight and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

The wife left a note on the fridge:

"It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother."

I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold.

I wonder what the hell she is talking about?

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