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Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Good morning crew,

Just when I had finally accumulated a little bit of spending money, the battery in my truck died.

Coincidentally, the $145 the battery cost was exactly how much money I had budgeted for groceries and expenses next week.

I thought that worked out nicely.

Fortunately the cup holder in my truck is full of change for when I need to pay tolls, and my local grocery store just advertised a sale on Ramen noodles and canned tuna.

Laugh it up,


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"The world's most expensive Lego brick, made out of 14 karat gold, just sold online for $15,000. The new owner says he's pleased to add it to his collection and it just got vacuumed up by his mom." -Jimmy Fallon


"Advertisers paid more than $5 million for a 30-second Super Bowl commercial, which seems like too much money to remind us that avocados exist. Isn't running an ad for avocados on Super Bowl Sunday too late? It's the one day of the year we're already eating avocados." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A man ate 409 chicken wings to become champion of Philadelphia's Wing Bowl over the weekend, which was unfortunately too many words to fit on his tombstone." -Seth Meyers


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Important; wake me at 5:00AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, 'It is 5:00AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

1. Going to bed early
2. Not leaving my house
3. Not going to a party

My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

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