Powered By

Friday, February 3, 2017

Good morning crew,

We did it again. The wife and I bought each other the exact same gift. We've done this before with watches and GPSs and games. This time it was wine.

Ever since our honeymoon the wife has been a bit obsessed with Hawaii. One of her favorite things to reminisce about was our impromptu visit to Maui Wine while we were driving the road to Hana. Our discovery of the place was completely accidental, but she was so tickled with it that she spent a small fortune to have a case of the stuff shipped across the ocean to us back home.

In the last month or so she has made some not so subtle references to Maui Wine, so being the attentive and observant husband that I am I went online and ordered a half dozen bottles to be delivered in time for her birthday which is coming up soon.

I thought myself particularly clever until earlier this week when we were in the kitchen making dinner together.

"I have an early surprise for us for Valentine's Day," she said.

"You bought a new furnace?" I asked.

"No. I was going to wait to tell you, but it's going to come to the house anyway. I order a half case of Maui Wine! It should be here any day."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that night, but the very next day the half case I ordered got delivered to the office, so I brought it home and knocked on the door.

When she came to open it I held the box up and said, "Happy birthday. I hope you're thirsty."

She actually got a pretty good laugh out of it. "Don't worry," she said, "it won't go to waste."

"I know it won't," I said. "But for what it cost to mail this stuff from Hawaii I hope you're not expecting anything else for your birthday."

Laugh it up,


P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

"The CEO of Starbucks has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees. So if you think they're writing your name incorrectly on the cups now..." -Conan O'Brien


"The world's first supermarket chain to only sell vegan foods, which was called Veganz with a 'z,' has announced they will have to declare bankruptcy and shut all their stores. When asked what went wrong, the vegan supermarket said, 'We're a vegan supermarket.'" -James Corden


"According to a new poll, Chris Christie currently has the lowest approval rating for any governor in any state, in over 20 years. 'Wow,' said former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich from prison." -Seth Meyers


Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

It was time for the final and the student depending upon getting at least one right answer on the chemistry test.

The question was "If H2O if water, what is H2O4?"

This was a quick question for most, but it took the student some thinking time.

Finally, he wrote down his answer: For drinking, washing, and cleaning.

Top Viewed Issues