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Sunday, January 22, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

As parents, the major part of our duty is to prepare our children for successful adulthood. That is not easy. One does not know at what stage of a child's life they begin to really absorbe the lessons that will adhere to their psyche and become part of the foundation that their future lives will be built on.

I decided that you can never begin to guide too early. To be sure, we teach at very early ages that fire burns and knives cut.

So I was sitting with my teenage daughter, listening to her chatter on and on at about 100 miles-per-hour, when I decided it was a perfect time for a life lesson.

"Listen, honey," I said reaching down to hold both her hands in mine. "You're boring the ever-loving shit outta me with all this talk. How do you ever expect to find a husband and move the hell out if you talk so damned much?"



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"A new company is offering customers a chance to cut their hotel bills in half if they are willing to share their room with a stranger. The company is called Jose Cuervo." -Seth Meyers

Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A. Look inside your pants: If you have a dick, it's not time.

Man: Do you have the new book on small penises?

Librarian: I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet.

Man: Yeah, that's the one.

"Uber just rolled out a new regulation - you can now get banned from the ride-sharing service if you have sex in one of their cars. Cab drivers heard this and they were like, 'We're back, baby!'" -James Corden

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, "What is three plus four?"

The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven."

The uncle said, "Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets."

So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?"

After a few moments of intense concentration the boy said, "Eleven."

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