Thursday, January 19, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
So, the inauguration is tomorrow and I can't wait to see it. From what I have read it sounds like there are going to be more people there to protest it than to celebrate it.
And there are going to be 8,000 cops. 8,000! I just saw an article which said they are setting up mobile booking stations, which means they are planning to arrest so many people that they won't have time to drag them back to the station to process. Just book 'em right there on the street corner.
"What did you get arrested for?"
"Being an asshole and protesting something I have absolutely no power to change."
We're definitely going to see some douchebags getting their skulls cracked, and who knows, maybe we'll even get to see some monuments set on fire.
Yeah, it's going to be a real dog show.
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"Donald Trump said after he's sworn into office on Friday, he's going to take the weekend off. Unless, of course, he has to deal with a national emergency or a 'Saturday Night Live' sketch. It could go either way." -Conan O'Brien
The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Las Vegas the drunks are gambling with their own money.
I went over to my best friends house yesterday. I knew he was out of town but I just walked in the backdoor like I always do, grabbed a beer out of the fridge and went in the livingroom. I got the shock of my life. There was my best friends wife on her knees while some stranger was drilling her from behind.
I was so mad.
I mean I thought that she was the one woman who would never cheat on me.
"Right now, Donald Trump has 40 percent favorable, whereas on his Inauguration Day, Barack Obama's favorability rating was 79 percent. But he was the first black president, and if America's known for anything, it's giving black men the benefit of the doubt." -Stephen Colbert
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You can't do this to me, I'm a United States congressman!"
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"
A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. Politicians from both major parties were locking horns. As the politicians started losing their tempers, one of them sneered at the other: "Have you heard of Bob Froyd?"
"No." admitted the other.
"Well, if you attended more council meetings, you would know that he's the man who's planning to open a new strip club in our town."
Furious and wanting to do the damage, the opponent responded: "Have you heard of Alex Moskowitz?"
"No." said the first. "Who is he?"
"Well, if you attended fewer council meetings, you would know that he's the man who's been fucking your wife."