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MOUTHPIECE - January 17, 2017

Good Afternoon,


Even though we're seventeen days into the new year, folks are still keeping to that resolution of losing weight and getting into shape.

And if you have left this resolution in the dust I have some great ways for you to lie to the bathroom scale.

As a guy how's flaky with resolutions, I particularly like...stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

Good stuff!

Mouthing Off,
Carl


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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
--Martin Luther King Jr.

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."
--Martin Luther King Jr.



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Visit: 41 Unbelievable 'M*A*S*H' Secrets Revealed


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Visit: 9 Legendary Beards of Hollywood



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s

*-- How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale --*

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner...as well as in the morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five pounds off...to your advantage.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.

***

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