Sunday, January 15, 2017
Greetings Laff Lovers,
I was lounging in Lewis' office the other day when he pulled out one of those electronic cigarettes. I watched as he blew odorless smoke into the air.
"You know," I said, "even though I haven't smoked in years, lately I've been craving a cigar."
"Hmmm, I didn't realize I was giving you cravings," he said as he put it away.
"And a drink," I continued.
"And a blowjob."
"I know what you mean."
"Lewis? what are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing. You bring the wine."
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"New Barbies will come in different sizes and with more realistic body types. Not only that, the new Ken dolls come with beer googles." -Conan O'Brien
A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners... On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says "Come Again."
The blonde turns and says, "No, it's toothpaste this time you nosey bitch!"
"A new Nielson survey found that Washington, D.C. has the most 25-34-year-olds in the country who make over $100,000 a year. They're called hookers." -Jimmy Fallon
A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem: The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of her species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species.
So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100?
Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss the gorilla."
"Second, you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
Ed stated, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks."