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Sunday, January 8, 2017

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I'd like to tell you that my wife and I rang in the New Year with style, but I'd be lying. The entire clan went to my folks' house for dinner and games, but by 11:30 I was falling asleep. So I grabbed my wife, left my kids there and drove the few miles to my house.

We got into the house and I was suddenly frisky.

"Whaddya say we start the new year the right way?" I said nuzzling my wife's neck.

She said, "I'm so tired...and the kids will be home in half an hour."

"So what?" I said. "All I need is three minutes to give you a grand slam."

"I know. But I need a lot more time than that by myself after you're done."



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Ladies; when confronted by a dangerous man, tell him about your feelings, your hopes and dreams, your anxiety, your relationship troubles, and how male-dominated society has let you down. He will go home and kill himself.

Here is something that is completely obvious, but most people
just don't take the time to think about;

"Dog food lid" spelled backwards is "dildo of God."

Think about it.

After seven years of training and hard work in the medical fields, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and just a brilliant mortician.

Dentist to a patient sitting in his chair: This is probably going to hurt.

Patient: What's wrong? Is it bad?

Dentist: It isn't good. Maybe you should brace yourself.

Patient: I can take it.

Dentist: I'm sleeping with your wife.

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