Friday, December 30, 2016

Good morning crew,

Has everyone recovered from their holiday festivities? Take a breather while you have the chance because it's not over yet. The big one is this weekend.

I haven't hammered out any final plans yet, but I'll let you know what kind of trouble I have planned next week. Hopefully it will involve lots of expensive champagne, lots of expensive cigars, and lots of expensive food. And hopefully the wife will pay for it.

Be safe, be careful, enjoy your holiday and I'll talk to you all next year!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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Since spaghetti is now 'pasta' and a TV set is a 'home entertainment system,' the manager of my grocery store did his best to jazz up the lowly egg.

He still has some work to do. A sign he put up in the dairy section advertised "Boneless Chicken."

***
When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says..."If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER." So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"

***
Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance.

One question asked, "Do you think you may need to go to the emergency room within the next three months?"

***
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'"

"It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Students at school were asked to write about the harmful environmental effects of oil on fish. One 11-year old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."