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Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Just a couple weeks ago I told you a story about police in Florida who continued to ticket an illegally parked car for days without noticing the dead body inside.

This week we jump to New York where police has the opposite problem in their eagerness to rescue what they thought was a woman in distress.

Police broke into a parked car to rescue an "extremely realistic" mannequin they believed to be an elderly woman.

A "very upset" citizen called Hudson police to report an elderly woman who appeared to have "frozen to death" inside of a parked car.

Officers arrived to find the woman unresponsive and wearing a oxygen mask in the passenger seat of the snow-covered car and broke into the vehicle through the passenger side window after assessing the car had been parked there overnight.

Upon entering the vehicle officers discovered the woman was actually a life-sized CPR training mannequin complete with detailed blemishes as well as clothes, glasses, teeth and shoes.

The "incredulous" owner eventually arrived at the scene saying he occasionally transports the mannequin in a manner resembling a passenger and was upset that officers broke into his vehicle.

"Just to clear the record, all citizens of Hudson should be put on notice that if you park your locked vehicle on the street on a sub-zero night with a life-size realistic mannequin seated in it...we will break your window," Police Chief L. Edward Moore said. "I commend everyone who responded with the intentions to help an elderly woman."

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com




*- Florida woman sells Positive Pregnancy Tests -*

A Florida woman said she is paying her way through college by selling her positive pregnancy tests and urine on Craigslist. The ad on the Jacksonville-area Craigslist page offers "positive pregnancy tests or urine" in an "absolutely no questions asked type of deal." The woman, who is three months pregnant, is selling the positive tests or urine for $30 each, but the Craigslist post says customers traveling more than 60 miles can get two positive tests for $35. The post reads: "Very self explanatory I am 3 months and I am providing a product in which the consumer is able to purchase positive pregnancy tests or urine for your own use. Whether you are using it for your own amusement such as a prank, or to blackmail the ceo of where ever who you are having an affair with I DONT CARE AT ALL this is an absolutely no questions asked type of deal tell me what you need I provide it for monetary exchange." The woman said she using the money to fund her college education.

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*- Woman Took Stolen Baby Jesus to the Hospital -*

Police say a woman stole baby Jesus from a Nativity scene in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and dropped the figurine off at a hospital with a note explaining that the baby had been "neglected" by his parents, "Joseph and Mary Christ." Police say 49-year-old Jacqueline Ross told them it was a joke, but they aren't laughing. She was identified from surveillance video and is jailed on charges of theft and institutional vandalism. Police say she went to the hospital early on Dec. 4 just minutes after stealing the $2,700 figurine from Payrow Plaza. Police say she left a note with the porcelain baby that read, in part, "Child has broken right foot which is been (sic) neglected. Parents Joseph and Mary Christ got a warning."




*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Two women who fight crime with sex toys? It's got to be the Dildo Duo. We could call them the Double Ds!
[Just brilliant.]


Hi Lewis, As men, we are used to complimenting women on many things. 'Yes, dear, you have lovely breasts/legs/hair/tits etc... Once, though, even just once, I would like a woman to tell me that I have a nice scrotum. -Richard K
[You know, you’re right. That's something you just don't hear very often.]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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