MOUTHPIECE - December 13, 2016

Good Afternoon,

Guess what? Santa hates your kid! Oh, and he has not problem letting you know, either. Don't act like you didn't know!

And we got some other stuff, too! Good stuff. Trust me.

Mouthing Off,
Carl

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[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling, I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
--Mitch Hedberg

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you."
--Nancy Astor



[m] What's On the Web?
24 Aspects Of Star Wars That Deserve Their Own Movies
From Cracked.com: The Star Wars franchise might be the biggest sci-fi cash Bantha in the entire, well, universe. Because of that, you can pretty much expect Disney to pump out a Star Wars flick every year for the next 100. Because coming up with dynamic, different stories can be hard, we decided to pitch some movies that will take up at least 24 of those years. You're welcome, Disney. We'll keep our eye on the mail for the checks.

Visit: 24 Aspects Of Star Wars That Deserve Their Own Movies


Steven Spielberg's Hook: What Went Wrong?
From DenofGeek.com: Spielberg's Hook boasted a star cast, a prime release slot, and was set to be the big hit of 1991. So: what happened?

Visit: Steven Spielberg's Hook: What Went Wrong?



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- Santa Hates Your Kid --*
8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, "Dream on, Chester!"

7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes.

6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling.

5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.

4. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed.

3. Instead of "Naughty" or "Nice", Santa has him on the stupid list.

2. Labels on all your kid's toys read "Straight from Craptown."

1. Four words: "Off my lap, Tubby!"

***
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