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Sunday, December 11, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I have to hand it to my wife. She really puts up well with my eccentricities. Like the other morning for example; I had just gotten out of the shower when I discovered that once again one of my considerate daughters had used my towel and left it wet on the towel rack.

Standing there naked, trying to dry myself with a wet towel, I saw my wife's hair dryer.

A couple minutes later she walked into the bathroom to see me standing there naked, with one leg up on the toilet seat, blow-drying my pubes (I had just finished my armpits).

"Just what in the hell do you think you are doing?" she asked.

Since she asked me one of those questions with a completely obvious answer she practically forced me to be a smart-ass, so I said, "Heating up your breakfast."

In hindsight that might not have been the best answer.



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"A new study found that good-looking people are more likely to have daughters than sons. And ugly people are more likely to have cats." -Jimmy Fallon

Little Johnny goes to school and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Johnny raises his hand and says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher smiles and says, "Wow Johnny, that's a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

"A new study came out that found the more porn a man watches, the less motivation he has. I was going to read more about the study, but for some reason I just completely lost interest." -Conan O'Brien

Eddie, wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office...but she was dating someone and wouldn't give him the time of day.

Finally Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I know you're not interested in a relationship with me, but I'll give you $100 if you just let me have sex with you."

The girl responded with an immediate and offended, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up. I promise!"

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.

So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend said, "He must be crazy! Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down and we'll be 200 bucks richer."

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

10 minutes goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 15 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "Well...what happened???"

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all change!"

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