MOUTHPIECE - December 6, 2016

Good Afternoon,

I may not be much of a conversationalist, but I do know how to tell a joke or two. So, here's a joke...or two...nah, just one joke today.

The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.

"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."

"Well, that's true," said the lifeguard, "but from the diving board!?!?"

Good joke, eh? Now enjoy Mouthpiece and all of its enjoyableness and stuff. You see, I stink at conversing.

Mouthing Off,
Carl

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives


[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"I am not young enough to know everything."
--Oscar Wilde

"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."
--Mitch Hedberg

"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
--Mark Twain



[m] What's On the Web?
24 Beautifully-Acted Scenes You Probably Missed
From Cracked.com: Emmys and Oscars and Golden Globes and orange blimps are great and all, but recognition from Cracked is truly the highest honor an actor can receive. So, while there are no acceptance speeches here, we can assuredly say "You're welcome" to the following people, because we know they're weeping tears of joy right now while softly saying, "Thank you, Cracked."

Visit: 24 Beautifully-Acted Scenes You Probably Missed


15 Bizarre Holiday Albums
From MentalFloss.com: It seems like everybody and their mom and dads has released a Christmas album. For some artists, like Mariah Carey, it means selling millions of copies. But who wants to hear Bing Crosby sing "White Christmas" when you can hear a former reality show loser sing it? 'Tis the season to forgo listening to your traditional holiday songs and opt for something a bit more unusual.

Visit: 15 Bizarre Holiday Albums



[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- "Differences Between Bosses and Employees" --*
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing.
When your boss please his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it 's because he's overworked.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Mouthpiece Archives