Friday, December 2, 2016

Good morning crew,

It's time for promotion testing at the school again. This Saturday I'll get to see if those little maniacs have learned any of the techniques I have been drilling into their skulls for the last six weeks. Actually, I feel pretty confident about it based upon what I have seen from them recently. Either those kids aren't as dumb as they act or I am a better teacher than I think.

Then Saturday afternoon the wife wants to go shopping for a Christmas tree. The last month or so I have been waging a psychological campaign to see if I could discourage the idea of a live tree, but she is determined.

Personally I'd rather not murder a living thing just to decorate the living room for a few weeks, but I guess her parents always had an artificial tree when she was growing up, and now she wants to indulge all of her wildest fantasies of a traditional Christmas.

I suppose there are worse ways to spend an afternoon. At least there is a bar right down the street from the tree lot (or 'arboreal graveyard' as I like to call it).

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"In other weird Japanese news - or as they call it in Japan, news - there are now plans for a park in Japan that will be a combination of a hot springs spa and an amusement park. It either sounds nice or like a sanitary nightmare." -James Corden

***
"Two Connecticut residents stole over $1,000 worth of candles from the Yankee Candle Village. The suspects are being described as white." -Conan O'Brien

***
"Tonight was the lighting of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. Thousands of people waited for hours in the cold just to go, 'Cool. OK, back to the hotel, let's go back to the hotel.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
One day on his way to work, my husband stopped at the cafeteria as it began to rain.

Forgetting that he hadn't brought an umbrella, he reached for the nearest one when he got up to leave.

"That's my umbrella," a woman immediately scolded.

Abashed at his mistake, he apologized and walked on to his office. He was drenched by the time he arrived.

Once there, he discovered three umbrellas that he had left in the office over the months, and he decided to bring them home at the end of the day.

That afternoon he ran into the same woman who had confronted him earlier.

She looked at the umbrellas, then at him, and tartly remarked: "Did real well for yourself today, didn't you?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's jeans at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head.

"I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."