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Thursday, December 1, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

I always knew I was a fucking genius. A professor of Cognitive Science at UC San Diego named Benjamin Bergen recently published a book entitled "What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves."

In it, this cock-sucker posits that cursing could be linked to higher intelligence.

"It turns out that on average, the ones who swear the most also have the biggest vocabulary overall," Bergen wrote.

He also suggested that, "swearing might be cathartic and can relieve anger and aggression." Which would explain my undiminishable sunny disposition.

How many donkey-dick-sucking sons-of-bitches in my life have written me off as a functionally retarded jerk off? And now mother-fucking science has proven that I'm smarter than all of those pieces of monkey shit.

The next time my wife tells me to watch my mouth I'm gonna tell that cunt to shut her dick-holster while the geniuses are talking.



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"People do a lot of shopping on Black Friday. I do all my shopping online. And by shopping, I mean pornography." -Craig Ferguson

A young boy asked his mother, "Mom, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"

"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother.

The young boy answered, "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

"It's that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones. And I'm going to start dinner by telling my parents I'm gay. It never gets old!" -Jimmy Kimmel

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

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