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Thursday, November 17, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

Last week I wrote about all of the butt-hurts who were marching in protest of Trump's election, and in conclusion I said that instead of protesting after the fact, maybe they should have voted.

I received a couple of emails after that comment, claiming that 'millennials' are the most politically in-tune and involved generation, along with some less polite accusations.

And who knows, really? The media certainly didn't. They were predicting a Hillary win right up until Trump won.

But then earlier this week I found a story about a violent anti-Trump protest in Portland, Oregon where 112 people were arrested. That made their names public record, and somebody actually made the effort to match all of their names with voting records.

And what do you know? More than half of the dumbasses out there carrying signs saying, 'Not My President' and smashing windows never even voted.

How's that for hypocrisy?

I told you so,


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"Apple has changed back their design of the peach emoji to look more like a butt after people were upset the new design no longer looked like a butt. So you see, people - sometimes democracy DOES work!" -Conan O'Brien

Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look sexy?
A. Put a nipple on it.

Q. Why do women fake orgasms ?
A. Because they think men care.

Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A. The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

"Residents of a town in Missouri this week are complaining about the creation of a 'bondage club' that operates next door to a church. The town filed a restraining order, but that just got them more excited." -Seth Meyers

A guy goes into U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and you might as well plan on starting at 10:00 am every Day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in You coming in for that."

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