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Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

An Australian man shot an intruder with a bow and arrow as he was trying to steal his car from his house, but the intruder got away and the man may face charges.

A 68-year-old man who was home with his wife prevented the theft of his car, but not of a large amount of cash and a purse, by shooting a would-be robber in the buttocks with a bow and arrow. In addition to investigating the robbery, police also say they must investigate the homeowner because of Australia's strict laws against assault -- even an intruder in your house.

The intruder broke into the man's house taking the items and, as the robber was getting into his Nissan X-Trail, the homeowner went into the garage, confronting the intruder. The robber got the car out of the garage but hit a fence.

As the robber was running down the street, the homeowner shot the man in the buttocks with a bow and arrow. The robber managed to get to a parked car and, somehow, drive it away.

"At this point in time we have been given information by the homeowner, police have attempted to speak to him," said Detective Inspector Dean Johnstone. "He's maintained his right to silence, this is a matter we'll investigate."

While bows and arrows are not restricted weapons in Australia, and the man is part of an archery club, it is possible the man could be charged for shooting the intruder to his home, Johnstone said.


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Then Again, Maybe the Australians Are Onto Something

A father was arrested after shooting his baby while he was repairing his gun. The North Dakota father was arrested for shooting his 6-month-old daughter while she was in his care. 36-year-old Christopher Simmons was charged with reckless endangerment, and he faces five years in prison. Bismarck police said the Simmons told officers that his rifle malfunctioned so he tried to repair it when it accidentally fired a round. The bullet hit the baby in the left side of the neck, police said. The baby was rushed to a hospital and she is expected to recover.


*---------------- Happy Holidays ----------------*

A fun-loving couple is very happy after a judge allowed them to change their legal names so that they can to bring cheer to others. Jeff and Mary Brookstein of Omaha, Nebraska, used to dress up as Santa and Mrs. Claus to cheer people up around Christmas time. However, they wanted to bring joy to people all year round. Jeff said that he came home one day, and asked his wife whether it was a good idea to change his name to Santa Claus. Mary replied that she had also thought about changing her name to Merry Christmas. The couple filed papers to have their names changed, and a judge approved their request to change their names to Santa and Merry Christmas Claus. They will be working together in malls and at other events during the Christmas season.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

It's a bummer that he lost all but one inch of his penis, Lewis, but with the monetary settlement, I'm sure that he'll come out ahead in the end. -David
[Not from an unlicensed practitioner. Unlicensed doctors usually don't have insurance. What do you think the poor bastard is going to sue him for?]

Guys, it's not the length of the wand, it's the magic in the stick. Really.

Do you suppose the warden will let these two undocumented doctors treat the undocumented immigrants in the prison?
[Only if they have little dicks.]

Dear Lewis, Turkeys are EVERYWHERE around here. They were not here at all 30 years ago and I have lived in same area for over 50 years – since I was a little kid. Some say someone brought some from Texas and they just multiplied. Yes, the males are very aggressive and they leave poop everywhere and scratch up your yard and slow traffic -- but the babies in the spring are as cute as chicks or ducklings. Lisa J, Orangevale, CA

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