MOUTHPIECE - November 8, 2016
Good Afternoon,
Frank Lloyd Wright once said, "The truth is more important than the facts." True that.
Today, I offer you 24 Simple Truths that will forever enrich your life and make you think about yourself, the people around you, and the world you live in, in a very different way.
That might be true, but all I can deliver on is a funny list that I hope you enjoy and share with your friends. And that's the truth.
Mouthing Off,
Carl
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives
[m] q u o t e s . o f . t h e . d a y
"Our imagination is the only limit to what we can hope to have in the future."
--Charles F. Kettering
"There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker."
--Charles M. Schulz
"Truth is the only safe ground to stand on."
--Elizabeth Cady Stanton
[m] What's On the Web?
Whizz Wordz Game
Make words with random letters for a few minutes. It's like EXTREME Boggle... and it's FUN!
Visit: Whizz Wordz Game
Perfect Hoopz
'Drop free throws through an obstacle course of bank shots.' It's not as easy as it sounds or looks or is...what? Good luck!
Visit: Perfect Hoopz
[m] b i t s . n . b o b s
*-- 24 Simple Truths --*
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
[From reader kitty]
***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Mouthpiece Archives