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Sunday, November 6, 2016

Greetings Laff Lovers,

What do you know? It worked! I actually got layed this weekend. Although it might have had something to do with my cousin's wedding which the wife and I attended.

Weddings seem to put women in the mood. And for the single guys on the list it still works after you get married. It brings them back to that time when you were still courting, when the spark was still alive, when you still gave a shit.

For that one night the magic is alive again and she feels like the sexy, desirable bride she was when you were married, and you reap the benefits.

Unless, of course, you get drunk and fuck it all up.

Which I didn't,


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"Life without sex might be safer but it would be unbearably dull. It is the sex instinct which makes women seem beautiful, which they are once in a blue moon, and men seem wise and brave, which they never are at all. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill." -Henry Louis Mencken

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably golfing with his buddies."

It took 5 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

"The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. Fighting; 2. Fleeing; 3. Feeding; and 4. Mating."

--Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

I was chatting to this girl in the pub last night and telling her of my uncanny ability to be able to tell the day any woman was born by holding their breasts in my hands.

She thought I was having her on but was curious none the less. Eventually curiosity got the better of her and she said go on then give it a try!

I stood there feeling her breasts for about a minute before she finally lost her patience and asked, "So? When was I born?"

I replied, "Yesterday."

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